eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
