My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
