brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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