I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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