Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i don't like sucking hair
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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