dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
