I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
