oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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