I can text with my tongue
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
