My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
