my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
