I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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