Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
