There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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