There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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