So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
