Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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