Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
