If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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