clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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