im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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