I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
