why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
