does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
