Bisexual people are plain selfish.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
