probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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