GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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