There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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