Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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