I hate all girls vehemently.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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