Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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