Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
