your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
