We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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