brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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