I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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