You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
