hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
