i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
