I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We need a shit load of segways right now
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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