how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
