yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think a kid would responsible me up
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
