My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
