Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
