Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
