I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
