I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Watching her eat just hurts me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
