the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
