MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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