Can i not drive my cunt home
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
