There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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